Live for Me
by ginger pocahontas
Summary: Shepard's left holding Kaidan as he dies in her arms... Expect soppiness and shenkoness. R&R if you want:)


Note: So this is all a bit doom and gloomy, but i wanted to show how much Kaidan loved her. I don't know if i pulled it off, and it's all very soppy,

but y'know, i'm a shenko lover. It kind of broke my heart a bit to do this but... Enjoy. Or don't. Since Kaidan dies, but... Whatever:)

Shepard didn't know what to do. Her heart was breaking in front of her, reflected in Kaidan's eyes. How could she watch the only man she ever loved die? How could he leave her? She was supposed to be the one dying, the one who gave it all, not him.

She didn't even know how it had happened. The Reapers were gone, and she'd come back to find him on the ground, furiously speaking into his omni – tool. He had several bullet holes in him, it was a miracle he'd lasted so long without any medi – gel. No one was on the comm, she couldn't get help. It was sod's law, wasn't it? You complained about how many people were around, but when you needed them, there were none to be seen.

She'd tried yelling. Calling for help had got her nowhere, and now she was desperate. He kept slipping in and out of consciousness, and she knew he didn't have long. Shit. She'd used all of her medi – gel, she had nothing to heal him with, except her words. If only they were enough.

Shepard didn't want to cry. She didn't want to appear weak, even though she knew he'd never think that. Maybe all she wanted was for him to know she hadn't given up, that help would come eventually.

And this was all wrong. They should've spent their last days together looking out onto a beach, sipping Canadian lager and laughing about all the times they'd shared, in a hundred years' time. Not now. They were both so young. The rest of their lives ahead of them, now the Reapers were gone. She'd done it, defeated them, for him. So she could see him again, hold him. Tell him she loved him, and asked him to marry her. They were supposed to be buying a house, in which they'd spend the rest of their lives reminiscing, and occasionally visiting their friends off world. They were supposed to have children and grandchildren. They were supposed to be together forever.

But here they were. On a black battlefield in London, with bodies all around them, the grey sky glaring at them from above. This wasn't right. They were going to die at 150, as old age consumed them. Not as bullet wounds slowly shut of their life. "Not now," she choked, holding back the tears.

Kaidan stirred in her arms, and his beautiful brown eyes fluttered open. "Shepard," he breathed.

"Kaidan."

"There's not much time." God. Couldn't he see this was breaking her heart? Couldn't he see she knew that already; that their future together was ruined?

"Don't say that, you don't know-"

"Shepard, I know and you know. There are things I want to say though. If this is the last chance I get…" Tears had formed in his eyes, and she hugged him closer to her, hoping her love would be enough.

"Shepard. I love you. I've always loved you. And you know this, but I'll tell you anyway because it's the last chance I have. I wish I could've told you that I love you every day for the rest of our lives, but some things don't work out the way you want them to. This is one of those things I guess… We've had an amazing couple of years. You've done the impossible, like I always knew you would. And you always said that it was you who needed me, but I don't think so. I never moved on after you died, and it sounds selfish of me, but I'm glad this is me dying right now. Because I couldn't bear the pain of losing you again. I'd rather have spent the next hundred years alone if I didn't have you. You were my rock; my safe place. When I think to all the times we've had-" he choked on his words, tears spilling out of his eyes. "I crumble, because being with you has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. I wish we could've made more memories, but like I said earlier, I don't have any regrets. Except leaving you behind of course. But we'll meet again one day."

"Kaidan! You can't go, can't leave me. It was supposed to be me!" She was nearly screaming, her wild panic and rage consuming her. She couldn't hide the tears now, even if she wanted to.

"I know, but I'm glad it wasn't. I said I'd fight like hell to hold you again, and here we are. Those strict Alliance soldiers who always stuck to the rules… Where are they now? God," he breathed deeply. "So much has changed. All for the better. And I want you to be happy. Don't spend the rest of your life mourning me Shepard; I couldn't bear that. Move on. You were the only one for me, but I don't believe everyone only has one soul mate. Find somebody else, someone who loves you and cares for you like I do. Promise me that?"

"You can't, I –" One stern look finished her sentence. "I promise." She couldn't believe she was saying this, couldn't believe he was even contemplating this.

"Good. I can rest easy now. It's nearly time…" She pressed her wet face close to his, and it was hard to distinguish who's tears were whose. "Shepard. Have a great life, an amazing life. Like we would've had, but better. Live for me Shepard. For those chances we didn't get. I'll be watching you, remember that? Know that I'll always love you, and-"

"And what?" She asked, frantically, begging for him to hold on.

"And goodbye Shepard. Thanks for the memories. I love you, I love you, I love you-" His words were cut off as his heart stopped beating, and he gave his last breath.

"NO!" Her heart felt like it had stopped beating, her head pounding and her eyes sore, with nothing left to give. He'd been her last sacrifice. It shouldn't be him, it should be me, she screamed to herself, willing for herself to die so she could join him. She looked at his gun, contemplating blowing her brains out so she could be with him, hold him. But all those times she'd run into battle, fearlessly, not caring if she died had caught up with her, and she was scared. What if she died, and didn't find him? She couldn't live, couldn't be without him. _Live for me_, he'd said. But how could she? How could she find someone else?

A light patter of rain touched her shoulder, and dripped down her face, clearing away her tears. She brought his limp body close to her chest, covering his face in kisses. She sobbed silently, willing the rain to wash away all her pain. She brought him even closer, before feeling something solid in his pocket. Reaching in, she found a ring. Inscribed. _Shepard, live for me._ He must've known; must've contemplated his death.

"Oh, Kaidan." She cried, her heart breaking all over again.

But as the rain washed away all the blood of the battlefield, all the scars and pain she felt, she managed a weak smile. She couldn't have anticipated this; she always thought she'd die. But he'd be with her forever, he'd said. And as the clouds lifted, and the sun rose on a new day, she knew he would. Kaidan Alenko, forever in her heart. Kissing him one last time, she slowly stood up and looked around her. She'd never stop loving him. And she knew she'd live for him. How else could she repay the man she loved?

"Kaidan." She took a deep breath, added the ring to her left hand and began walking to that better future she'd promised him.


End file.
